Tongue Tied

Dispenser 34, also known simply as 34, was once of the A.I. vending machines aboard Red Dwarf. Dispenser 34 was programmed with a chirpy, female personality, and located close to the sleeping quarters used by the Dwarfers in Series X.

When Dave Lister was depressed and missing the human race, he went to see Dispenser 34. Lister began asking 34 some deep and philosophical questions, such as the meaning of life, and why he was here. 34 instead gave him his usual caramel crisp bar and white coffee with six sugars, and exclaimed that he was not his usual self. Lister asked how she knew what that would be, and she replied that she watched him in his sleeping quarters through a crack in the door, and that the things he did whilst alone "are so funny". Lister awkwardly made his excuses to leave, and 34 made a joke on how she would always be in the same place for chats about life.

After an incident where Lister was accused of trying to seduce Dispenser 23, Lister went back to 34, who proved to be insanely jealous of 23, calling her "trashy". Lister denied trying to seduce 23, and when 34 questioned Lister's loyalty, Lister said that 23 was merely closer. When 34 refused to serve Lister, he got angry and told her that her tea was too watery, and that her Mexican red-hot chilli crisps were not spicy enough. 34 was mortified as Lister walked off.

Lister caught in a compromising situation with Dispenser 34

Soon after, Lister went back to Dispenser 34 to apologise and ask her if there was anything he could do to make it up to her. She asked why they fight the way they do, and Lister offered her a new paint job, new nozzle housings, or maybe a restock. 34 said that she had always had a dream about seeing the other corridor around the corner. Lister wheeled her around the corridor, and 34 felt elated at being moved, asking Lister if he wanted to settle down with her there. When Lister went to move 34 back to her original place, the vending machine fell over backwards, and Lister got on top to try and pull her up. She began to roar, and shout that he was a naughty boy, and how happy she was to see the ceiling.

Arnold Rimmer and Kryten walked around the corner at that moment and saw Lister in this compromising situation. Rimmer was happy to have something else to put in his special report about Lister, and ordered the CCTV to record the event. Kryten was happy that Lister was finally settling with another species. ("Dear Dave", Series X)