Tongue Tied

"Krytie TV" begins in The Tank prisoner's cinema

The t-shirts worn by Kryten's employees.

Krytie TV was the television channel launched by Kryten for The Tank.


When Kryten was incarcerated in the women's wing of The Tank, he was made to join in with the communal shower sessions. He found staring at his naked female cohorts incredibly tedious and tried to explain his boredom to the male prisoners. He described the turgid monotony of shower night, where he was forced to watch the girls soaping their naked bodies while he stood under an umbrella.

All the male prisoners were astounded by his explanations. Kill Crazy suggested that Kryten smuggle a camera into the shower and film the girls showering, which most of the other guys thought a wonderful idea. Kryten refused to accomodate their wishes, which would reduce the girls to mere sex objects. Rimmer, surprisingly, agreed with Kryten's views and forbade the filming because it would ruin Lister's appeal chances.

Later, Kill Crazy and other prisoners kidnapped Kryten and reprogrammed him to be a ruthless and immoral capitalist. While the male prisoners were watching a movie in the prison cinema, it was interrupted by Krytie TV, a new channel transmitted from Kryten's eyes. The first programme was "Shower Night Live", a 3 hour live feed of the women's shower block. After a short taster session, Kryten began to stare at the floor until the male prisoners paid for the rights to watch. He had collectors pass through the crowded theatre with buckets and did not resume looking at the soapy girls until the buckets were full of money, beer and other goods. Kryten even had a man selling ice creams.

As the days passed, Kryten included other shows in the line-up. He bought the rights to show five-a-side football and boxing matches, making himself very rich and powerful in the process. When Lister told Kochanski about shower night, the girls threw Kryten out of the women's wing. In order to help Lister stop Kochanski from getting back together with her ex-boyfriend Tim, Kryten helped him sneak into Tim's quarters and trash them. Lister was unaware that Kryten had lied about being reprogrammed and had been filming Lister trashing the sleeping quarters, which were really those of the prison governer, Ackerman.

Kryten was lurking in the corridor wearing a false beard. He confronted Lister outside the sleeping quarters and revealed the deception was part of his latest show, "You've been Krytered!", that was being shown live to the other prisoners. When Rimmer realised this would destroy the appeal, he helped Lister fix the quarters and then reprogram Kryten back to the way he was. (RD: Krytie TV)