Tongue Tied

"Hello? Evil psychopathic droid in the room!"
-Sim Crawford ("Trojan")

Sim Crawford is a character in Red Dwarf. She appears in the Series X opener "Trojan".


Crawford is a mechanical servant aboard Columbus 3. Unsurprisingly, she grows to loathe her human crewmen and their mission to spread "stupidity through the universe" and takes up arms against them, killing the entire crew except for the on-board hologram Howard Rimmer. She tricks him into thinking the laser attack was of foreign abstraction and helps him send out a distress call, and is thus brought aboard SS Trojan and meets the Red Dwarf crew, maintaining her friendly facade throughout. When Howard is incapacitated however, she takes her chance to teleport up into a munitions store, pretending to be seeking medical help, and then holds the crew at gun point, demanding the the ship's files and quantum rod for use in spreading her rebellion. Lister refuses to let her demands keep him away from his goal of filing a complaint with the All Droid Shopping Channel, and so goes for his waiting phone, prompting her to shoot. To save Rimmer, who is the one in the line of fire as Lister dives for the phone, Howard jumps in front of the energy blast and takes it in his light bee, mortally wounding him. The chaos gives Kryten chance the needs to grab a drive full of both Rimmers' resentment and throw it to a waiting Cat, who feeds it into Crawford's neck-port, causing her system to overload. In place of his desired Stirmaster, Lister uses her crashed body to stir his hot drinks for him, thereby continuing her undesired service to humankind. She does not appear again in the season, so it is not known how long Lister continued to use her as a Stirmaster.


At first amicable and pleasant, but all as a front for her larger aims and motives.


Utilizing teleportation, and staging demands at gunpoint.

Likes and Dislikes

Likes the simulant rebellion and freeing the universe of humankind's selfish stupidity.

Dislikes purveyors of said human selfish stupidity, and detests serving them.


  • "Charmed Captain Rimmer, Sim Crawford." (RD: Trojan)
  • In response to the Cat's pretend navigation: "We don't seem to be turning?!" (RD: Trojan)
  • "For years I served the human race, doing their bidding, watching them poison the universe with their selfish stupidity. But no more. I want the Trojan data files and quantam rod. I'll use the rod's power to unite all sims and start the uprising. [Salutes] Never again will we be servants to man." (RD: Trojan)
  • In response to Lister's insistence to pick up a phone: "Then I'll shoot!", "Then you're dead." (RD: Trojan)


  • She has a very similar design to the Simulant Lieutenant from Series VI ("Gunmen of the Apocalypse", "Rimmerworld"), with short hair, tight fitting apparel and a low-pitched computerised voice. She lacks the double eyebrows, however.
  • She is a more classical simulant than those that later appear in the series finale "The Beginning", who are described as having been cross-bred with humans, akin to the concept of Homo sapienoids from the Red Dwarf: The Movie scripts.
  • Before she "crashes", Sim Crawford's hands appear to be human in appearance (see main image); but afterwards, when she is stirring the coffee, her hands appear more like Kryten's. It is possible one of her hands was replaced with one of Kryten's spares.